How to Reduce Chances of Being a Terror Victim, hereunder the small Sargasso-annotated version.
11. When traveling overseas, stay in an American chain hotel; security is usually more stringent.
But American corporations are also more likely to become a terrorist target. Difficult decision.
12. When in a foreign country, don’t advertise that you’re American by speaking loudly, holding up maps, exchanging currency at airports, showing American flags, etc…
Good idea! Especially the part about the loud talking and the flags. Holding up maps and exchanging money the Dutch don’t consider as typically American.
18. Never take the first taxicab in line; hail a moving cab instead.
Do this in Amsterdam and the driver of the first taxicab in line will inflict some damage on you of terrorist proportions .
23. When traveling abroad, read local newspapers to pinpoint dangers there.
Ha, the insatiable interest of the Fox reader in other cultures (who easily go to the length of learning the language) comes in handy here.
25. Make out a will and letter of instruction in case you die.
This reduces your chances of being a terror victim in the same way as buying oversized clothes will help you lose weight.
American readers can obtain a copy of the full Sargasso-annotated version of The Complete Terrorism Survival Guide for free if your country starts acting like a grown up responsible superpower…. ;-)